Deep into the sub-space

Not always I fell into a subspace during our play. And if I fell, it can be a different degree of intensity, sometimes less, sometimes more intense.

Not last night. We had three scenes in the club, and one of them was incredibly intense. I am still feeling its effect now, day after.

I am not big on impact play or spanking, or pain. In my fantasies about BDSM, before I actually entered the scene, there was no impact play. Now, we do a lot of it. But for me it is not about pain- it is about dynamic and submission, it is often also about humiliation; and yes – it can feel like a deep tissue massage, making your body actually feel better and lighter….

The irony is I have a very low threshold for pain. I have a vasal-vagal reaction to pain. If it hurts too much, my blood pressure goes down and I faint. I actually passed out for few seconds once on St. Andrew’s cross, when we tried to push it a little further. Fainting drains the energy out of you, so the rest of the evening was slow.

There is only one exception: my breasts…. Squeezing hard, twisting, pulling my nipples will get me wet and almost high.

The very first time I visited dungeon and used one of the dungeon’s equipment – I went very deep in subspace. And did not repeat that level of intensity until last night.

It was similar piece of equipment. Kind of like a big chair where your arms and legs are cuffed to it , immobilized. Legs are spread wide, breasts are hanging loose. You are exposed for all to see, you are helpless. You are on display, objectified, flogged, humiliated. Your pussy is soaking, your mind is in alternate state.

That’s what happened yesterday. It was our first visit to this club, we went with some friends, and it was great night.

We have started with bench scene, which I always like. They are more comfortable than cross scenes. It was nice, good, long scene. We rested after, had some after-care time, chatted with friends.

Then we looked around trying to decide on next scene. My eyes lighted up when I saw this big, tall, sturdy chair in the corner. That was it.

I sat on the chair. The seat is high and gives you good view of the room. It also makes you visible to the whole room. Three years ago that would bother me, not anymore.

John tells me to take my blouse off. He lets me keep the skirt but raises it high up. The skirt and black fishnet thigh highs is all I am wearing. He cuffs my hands above my head, each on one side, then spreads my legs and cuffs my ankles to the sides of the chair. Next comes blindfold, than gag ball.

I am now ready. John knows that sensory deprivation, and being immobilized is my fantasy. And being fucked while tied, blindfolded, with my ears plugged is on my list. We can not fuck today, there is no sex allowed in the club. We do, however, have it planned in near future. But that will be separate story..

I sit on my big chair. I hear voices around me, I hear thuds of the floggers. and smacks on bare bottoms. Someone is tickled, and screams loud.

It is all background noise to me, blindfold keeps me in my own world. Gag ball keeps me from talking. Cuffs keep me in the space I was given. My breasts are on full display, so is my pussy.

There is nothing I can do about any of these. I feel calm inside.

John starts flogging my breasts, my arms, my thighs, my pussy. I am giving in to the sensation, taking it all in. He is changing tools that he is using on me, different floggers, crops, whips. The hits come stronger and more frequent. My body is trying to wiggle away, as much as the cuffs allow. My pussy is on fire, crop repetitively hitting it, while I struggle and whimper through the ball gag.

Now it all stops. I exhale, and sit quietly not knowing what to expect. I listen to the voices around me. John’s warm hands start kneading my breasts, harder and harder. Then he starts squeezing my nipples, squeezing, and twisting and pulling them very hard. My body trashes in that chair, trying to pull away from his unforgiving hands, my muffled screams come through my gagged lips. I surrender to that pain. I surrender by letting myself scream, and pull away, and fight it, while at the same time, this is all I want. John is pulling much harder now and my body gets into fighting mode, trying violently to wiggle away from his hands.

I jerk hard when the nipple clamps close on my nipples. My body welcomes the new sensation, pain radiating throughout my breasts. John pulls on the chain the clamps are connected to each other, sending shot of pain through my body again, and I keep fighting him, as much as I can with my hands and legs tied up.

I do not have a chance. I am exposed to the whole room, my struggles with pain and humiliation for all to see. I do not think about it, I am floating in my own world, world full of sensation, exctasy, pain, pleasure.

John unhookes my right leg, puts it across the armsrest and cuffs it again. Now I am even more exposed to the world, my pussy wide open, on display. I no longer sit nice and tidy in the chair, I am almost thrown across the chair, like toy that was very well used and played with.

John puts his fingers in my soaking pussy, spreads my juices all over. He teases my clit, with one hand, while torturing my nipple. I cum quietly. The flogger hits my pussy and my breasts again.

He plays with me for a while longer, keeping my body on fire, and my mind in clouds. Finally it is time to stop. He frees my hands and my legs , takes the gag ball out, and asks me to hold on to him and follow him. I step off the big chair, still blindfolded, and carefully make few steps following him. He makes me sit in the regular chair, and cuffs my handcuffs together “stay here”, while he cleans up the area and outs his toys away.

I sit there quietly, obediently waiting, still savoring all that happened, still deep in my sub-space. Finally he takes off the handcuffs and blindfold. I see the word “slut” drawn on each of my breasts. I have no idea when he drew that. He brings me my blouse, the sign that I can get dressed and become a part of the crowd again.

I don’t want to leave my subspace. I have such a big need to serve my Sir. But this is not happening while in the club. I have to wait until later to get down on my knees and use my tongue and my lips to hungrily pleasure him. The need to kneel and put him in my mouth was very deep, I needed to feel used and appreciated, and in the right place.

He let me pleasure the way I wanted and then he hold my head still while he pushed himself in and out, fucking my mouth until I felt the warmth of his cum down my throat. Still on my knees, I gently sucked and licked him clean, my tongue and lips sensually playing with him, now relaxed, without hurry. Afterwards, I sat on the floor, by his feet and rested my head on his lap. He moved his hand to my lips and I kissed it, and licked it, and kissed again. We stayed like this for a while, his hands playing gently with my hair, caressing my face, my eyes closed. This was a place where I belong.