Best kiss at 51? …

I know, right? But I was married for twenty five years, and my ex was not the best kisser … Those before him, when I was in my early twenties, were ok, but not remarkable.

That brings me to the present. After a year of e-mail exchanges (some of them very hot) with a guy who lives in a different state, but plans to move here soon, we had finally met. We went for a drink, and spent lovely two hours talking, and then went for a walk along the river.

That’s where he kissed me. I was hoping this would happen, but when he did it, I did not expect it at this very moment. It took me two seconds to get over a shock, but after that my body responded without thinking. I simply melted.

I do not remember much from the next half an hour. I was like a playdough shaped by his hands and mouth.

I always had pretty good sex life, but this was something different, something more. I watched a movie today, not important which one, and the two main characters finally kissed. And that’s when I realized that this is the first time in my entire life, when I understand, what’s happening when two people who are in love, kiss. That was very depressive thought, and made me cry, of course, and I still feel a little shaky from that realization. It brought another realization to my mind: that I loved my ex, but I wasn’t in love with him. There were too many red flags, too many hurt feelings. This love and naivete made me stay at first, and later it was complications of detangling two lives connected by children, mortgage, business.

Will there be more with the out of state guy? I’d like it, but I am not sure what’s going to happen with him. At least now I know what I was missing …