Mischief Managed – Erotica

You come behind me and put your arms around me. I lean back against you, and close my eyes while I feel you nibbling gently on my ear, your lips on my neck kissing it slowly. One of your fingers is tracing the other side of my neck, moving down towards cleavage area. I moan lightly when your hand finds its way under my bra, pressing on my breast and starts playing with a nipple, squeezing it, kneading, squeezing harder now.
You put your other hand under my skirt, moving it up. I open my legs, inviting you in…

Then everything stops… I hold my breath, waiting. Curious. Excited. Wary…. then I hear your whisper in my ear “Take your panties off…. you do know that you are not allowed to have your panties on when I am around”.
Yes, I do know …..but I’ve been feeling mischievous today. I whisper back, “Maybe you should try to take them off yourself….” while I push your hand away and try to free myself.
“Oh, someone is feeling bratty”, you sounds amused, while you push me down on the bed. Quickly, I move away from you, to the head of the bead and sit up there looking at you defiantly. We are staring at each other, neither of us moves a muscle. We both try very hard not to smile… Finally, you swiftly dive in towards me, and this time I can not get away. We begin to wrestle, me trying to push you away, you trying to pin me down, we rolling over on the bed, our bodies on top of each other. Now you are on top of me, holding down my arms above my head, your knee between my legs, your face close to my face and all I can feel is lust and desire. I raise my head and start kissing your neck, slowly, gently. When I reach your ear I whisper “ I surrender” and start searching for your lips.

Beyond Van Gogh…

Finally I was able to go to multi-media immersive Van Gogh exhibition. It was already shown in cities around me, but somehow I never made it. This time I bought tickets for me and my two teenage daughters well in advance. I am not an artist, or art connoisseur, just regular person with just average knowledge of the art, which is not too much…. But I really wanted to see this exhibit.

I expected that this would be very enjoyable experience. What I did not expect was how much it touched me on personal level. I guess the right day and time?

Before you can enter the main room of exhibition, you go through the area where you learn main things about Vincent Van Gogh. Not his biography, more like series of events that were important in his life. I learned that “Starry night” was painted while he was in asylum, looking at the sky and the stars through small, barred window. He could find beauty even from there. But what was coming through was loneliness.

Loneliness of a man, who knew he was different, and who found solace in finding beauty in the world around him, in small things, in nature. And this is why this whole exhibit got me so much. I looked at the moving pictures surrounding me and others, and I could feel that loneliness emanating from them. I also felt acceptance. He had his world, his paintings, the nature around him, to keep him company.

The exhibit is one huge room, with Van Gogh’s pictures, or part of pictures thrown on the walls, and floors, covering everything in colors, while music is playing in the background. Special effects added for a-ha moment. Some pictures just showed up on the walls. Others were slowly emerging. Branches of a tree full of flowers growing and expanding on the walls, and floors, on visitors. Or sketch of the house is appearing just before your eyes, line by line, white lines on black background. When this is done, the colors fill it in, and then you can recognize the painter’s hand and style.

The whole shows lasts around 45 minutes, before it starts again from the beginning. It runs all day long, from the opening to closing, you can join it anytime, and stay as long as you want.

I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay and watch it again, now more relaxed, knowing what to expect, not worrying about immortalizing it with pictures and videos. But my girls were done. They did enjoy it, but saw no point is seeing it from the beginning again….

I want to go back by myself and just enjoy it and stay as long as I want to. Hopefully I will make it before it ends….

Flogging session (Erotica)

I get myself comfortable on the bench. With my ass towards the room, I lay my head down, and watch John getting out his floggers, and putting them in order. I can hear people talking and laughing farther in the room behind me; music is playing. It’s Friday night, party time…
I close my eyes and relax. I know I am in for a treat, and there is nothing else for me to do, just enjoy it.


Are you ready? – he asks, his hand pushing my hair away from my face. I nod and smile, feeling like a cat ready to purr. He smiles back and massages my arms for a short while, then moves slowly down my back until he reaches my skirt, and pulls it up. All that covers my ass now is a little black lace of my panties.

His hand circles around my cheeks, warming them up, pulling my panties down just a little bit. Then come the welcoming sensation of first smacks, light and sensual. Then stronger, faster, landing on different parts of my ass and my thighs.

I close my eyes and just enjoy it. The sensation feels like sensual massage, where leather tresses replace hands caressing my body. Some hits feel stronger, some lighter, some more stingy than others, all together softening my body and unwinding my mind.

By now we have figured out together the intensity that works for me, that’s not too weak, and not too painful. I do not want extreme pain, I do not care about it. What I want is to enjoy the sensation of my body being worked on, and the eroticism of the scene. Going from one extreme to another: tender kiss stolen between smacks, gentle touch sneaked after harder sting, intimate gestures of otherwise public play.

When we are done, I get off the bench lazily, in kind of a dizzy slow motion. It’s like waking up from the dream back to reality. My body feels softer and lighter, but my mind doesn’t want to wake up yet.

John puts towel around my shoulders and takes me to the couch, where I can sit down and relax. He goes back to pack up his toys snd sanitize the bench. When he is done, he joins me on the couch, his arm around me for the “after care” time. I rest my head on his shoulder, and snuggle comfortably against his body, while he gently caresses my face and my hair with the other hand. I feel calm, satisfied, safe, and free.

Ukraine – history repeats itself (again)

I look at what’s happening in Ukraine and I think about September 1st, 1939, when first German bombs fell on Poland. Did people of Poland, of Germany and rest of Europe had expected this to become second world war? Were they worried about it or this possibility didn’t even crossed their minds?

The similarities are there. Hitler started with smaller conflicts, testing western countries if they walk their talk. He annexed Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia in 1938 and western powers let him keep it hoping to avoid the escalation of conflict into another war, and loss of thousands or more lives. Great intentions, short-sighted, naive view. That’s a logic used by rational people, rational statesmen thinking of what’s best for people.

People like Putin, Hitler, Nicolae Ceaușescu, Benito Mussolini or Sadam Hussein, and many many more dictators of this world, they do not care what happens to the people. You can not use normal moral conduct standards with them. They are cruel, selfish men, with huge ego that is never satisfied. They are sociopaths, highly narcissistic men without any moral code. Power and bullying is the only language they understand.

They do not live in reality. They are surrounded by yes men, and any rational person is pushed aside. That’s how we get those wars. It was hard to understand in the past the mechanism of it but the last several years showed us many nations choosing that path into nationalistic darkness, where the loudest voices win, no matter how crazy they sound.

Putin followed Hitler’s plan successfully. He took Crimea from Ukraine few years ago and nothing had happened. It worried me than, and I did think of 1938. It also proved that international treaties are only as good as their leaders good will.

Ukraine declared independence from Russia after Cold War had ended, and that was a huge blow to Russia’s economy and the pride. Some never got over it, although through most of the history Ukraine was sovereign nation. After the split from Russia, it possessed third largest nuclear arsenal in the world.

The end of Cold War started very optimistic period of time. Cooperation between countries grew and threat of nuclear war seemed going away. Denuclearization had become the goal. Ukraine was asked to give up all its nuclear weapons and transfer them to Russia (what were we all thinking ???…). Many of Ukrainian politicians and citizens still felt that threat from Russia was real and were trying to keep part of it as a security tool against future attacks from Russia. US and Russia went out of their way and promised economic support and security assurances to Ukraine for full disarmament. Tri-lateral agreement has been signed on January 14, 1994.

Now, one of the countries that promised Ukraine security assistance is an invader. What will the other country do, and the rest of NATO, that’s the real question.

In those few weeks Poland accepted more than a million and half refugees from Ukraine. The resemblance to 1939 feels just too real. Private citizens, business and government are involved, but with this huge number (and still growing) they will need serious assistance from other nations, EU, and NATO. They are converting closed malls into refugee centers. Many refugees are staying in Polish homes, but this is temporary solutions. They all will need place to stay, food, money assistance, healthcare, school placements for kids along with language help, and eventually work. For a country of around 38 million citizens this is huge undertaking. There will be even more problems with this in the future. Making sure Ukrainians won’t become second class citizens in Poland will be a big challenge.

To give some perspective: before Russia’s invasion on Ukraine, Polish right wing government was talking about building a wall on Polish-Ukrainian border, following Trump’s idea. Its purpose was not only keeping illegal immigration of Ukrainian citizens to Poland, but also the Afghan refugees fleeing Afghanistan after US withdrawal. There were heartbreaking stories of Afghan kids dying of cold or hunger, hiding in the woods in Polish cold winter just few months ago. It divided Polish nation the way treatment of refugees on southern border divided US. People on the right side of political spectrum, holding cross and rosary and Jesus’s name on their lips, did not see those brown skinned people as humans, and their love of the neighbor did not extend to them.

It is great to watch all the help Poles are providing to the Ukrainian refugees now. It is beautiful show of support and coopearation, and the world is watching. Poland will always help anyone fighting against Russia, as the country has a thousand year history of having to defend itself from its two big neighbors: Russia and Prussia (Germany) . It is sad that its right wing government was so cold in its treatment of Syrian and afghan refugees. It is amazing though to see its citizens now working so hard, spending their own money to help the Ukrainian people.

What is the right course of action for the US, NATO, EU and the rest if the world to take now? Not to do anything feels cowardly and scary. To get military involved feels even more scary. But history taught us that doing nothing doesn’t solve problems, doesn’t stop crazy men in charge from pushing further and further. For now Ukrainian people are bravely defending their homes and land, but at what cost? What will happen if they lose and Russia starts occupying Ukraine? That won’t be the end of problems. The country will become another conflict are, with militia fighting its occupiers, children throwing rocks or bottles with fuel at the tanks. Ukraine-Polish border may become next goal of Vladimir Putin.

Nostalgia

John e-mailed me today picture from his youth. Twenty three year old good-looking guy in leather jacket nonchalantly leaning against his sporty, shiny car. Kind of like John Travolta in Grease.

I zoomed in on his face and recognized the man I know today, over forty years later. He is still good looking and in a great shape: spends two hours in the gym every morning, eats very healthy, and still sexually very active. The best fuck I ever had, at least so far.

As I was staring at this picture of this young guy, suddenly this pang of nostalgia came to me. How fleeting life is. How beautiful youth is with its innocence and arrogance and full life ahead, where old age and death are something from another planet.

I am looking at that twenty three year old young man on that picture. So young, handsome, intelligent, full of potential. And I realize that his story has already happened, that I know his future, that most of his journey has already happened. I feel tears quietly rolling down my face. I cry for this beautiful boy, I cry for myself, I cry for all of us looking in the mirror and wondering where is that young girl, or young boy with their dreams? Our bodies are different, not as smooth as they used to be, but the fire inside is still burning. We still want to live, feel, love. We are still yearning for the human connection, for romantic date, passionate night.

Life goes by fast. We should go after those desires, there is no more time to waste. There is no more time to pretend and just be what society wants you to be. This is time to finally figure out who we are, what we want and how to get what we want. Go and grab as much as you can. Live finally with your own rules. There is no medal at the end for sitting quietly in the closet. It might be scary at first – to leave the safety of the closet – but once you are out, and feel the sun on your face, breeze in your hair, smell of rain the air, -you will never, ever want to go back.

Many of us do find out who they are late in the life. Many still won’t act on it, many will. But there are also those like John, who knew early how they wanted to live their lives and made it happened. This hot boy from the picture had really great life, extremely successful professionally and in personal live. Exploring and accepting his sexuality as big part of his life. Of that I am jealous. Of the strength and courage to live the life he wanted, to follow his own internal instinct. To be himself.

How do I want to feel?

“How do you want to feel?” …… That was question I was asked during a coaching session (kind of coaching). At that point we were talking about my struggle to get back on healthier, Hashimoto-friendly diet, and plateau I have reached with the weight loss.

That’s the question that is now helping me to make better choices – not only in diet. Of course, doesn’t always work, sometimes temptation is too much but as a general rule I think it can be pretty motivational.

Do I want to feel tired and sluggish or do I want to have energy to enjoy life?

Do I want to continuously worry about my blood pressure, cholesterol, stroke or heart attack or do I want to feel I do whatever is possible to minimize my chances of these issues?

Do I want to feel attractive and desirable, look sexy in fancy lingerie or do I want to sight when I look in the mirror?

Do I want to be physically fit or do I want to pant after short physical work?

Do I want to feel like “I can do that” type of a person, or do I want to feel like a “meh” person?

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