If a year ago someone told me that I will become frequent visitor of BDSM dungeons and munches, I would laugh. I would say that these things are not for me. I am just regular suburban mother, with busy job and kids, who just turned fifty years old, and this is not my world…..
Well well well….. Not so fast…
First thing I did I signed up for Fetlife.com, which is kind of like facebook for kinksters. My plan was to sign up and just observe, and not get involved in anything. Once in a while I would post a picture or meme that I found interesting. I was enjoying the anonymity I had there. I have decided that this was my chance. Nobody knew me, I never posted my face pics on there, and I felt free to say and do whatever I wanted.
Now and then I would get an e-mail from some guy, but I kept answering politely that I am not interested in meeting. I started posting short, one-minute read erotic, kinky stories. Just for myself, I did not expect anyone to read them. It turned out many people liked them. I was told more than once that I have a real knack for that, that the way I describe situations and emotions, make people feel like this is happening to them. I started getting followers, more offers. Sometimes I would get emails from someone just telling me how they enjoy my writing, which was extremely satisfying. That I started chatting a little with people. More and more.
Against all the swearing that I am not getting involved with anyone long distance, I somehow kept chatting with this one guy from another state, who was planning to retire and move down here, to Florida. We have e-mailed each other a lot, had a lot of talks on what we would like to explore together in the future (in terms of sex), etc. I was enjoying it and it really helped me out of my divorce funk. I’m not dying yet, the life was still going on. I kept saying about the guy “I don’t know what will happen with us, but for now I need that distraction. Whatever happens, happens”. (that’s the same guy who is addresee of my letters that are not supposed to be mailed.)
And then one day – sometimes around year ago, in January 2021 – I felt that I was ready. Ready to go out on a date. Ready to have sex. At that point I was almost two years without sex, my longest ever. It was becoming medical necessity to break the spell 🙂
I went on a date, and had quick hot sex. I needed to know that I still can have sex with someone other than my ex, and that all the parts are working and skills haven’t been forgotten.
Later I met couple other guys, but that wasn’t worth much, had short fling with someone from a Bumble.
Things have changed for me when one day sometimes in July I have received an e-mail from this local guy, experienced Dominant. I liked what he wrote in the email, I liked his bio on his profile, his look. It turned out this guy is not wasting words on endless e-mails. We have met for coffee few days later. Let’s name him John.
He gave me really nice overview of the lifestyle and what would be the way to enter it. First – come to munch (just a casual meeting in the restaurant or other public place) and meet people. That would be hard for me to go and meet a group of people who already knew each other like this. Second path would be visiting a dungeon. I said “no way”, that’s way too much. Third option he mentioned, was private play – you find a partner and just explore together. “Yes that would work best for me” was my answer. He also mentioned that he is poly, has a long term partner he lives with.
The guy was intelligent, seemed to be reliable and trustworthy, eager to be my mentor, and lived few minutes away. I went home and thought about it, and decided “why not”? He was perfect to introduce me to the lifestyle, really perfect and strangely to me, him having another partners didn’t bother me at all.
Week later we’ve met for the first time for what’s is called “play”. I thought I would be nervous before he came in, but I wasn’t. I think I really was ready for that step. We started slow, we talked a lot about what I would like to try, what are my hard limits, etc. When we started, he was watching my reactions and was making sure I am comfortable with what was happening, not pushing too far.
We both had enjoyed our time together, and we started meeting on regular basis, two or three times a month. Then we talked about dungeon, and I agree to go and check it out. I made sure about thousand times that I do not have to do anything, that I only go to watch, to be a voyeur…
This was a small dungeon in our city. Small and kind of …. cozy.. I watched people setting stations, moving things around, talking and laughing – you would think they are getting ready for pumpkin festival. Everything and everybody looked so normal. Mostly middle aged people, of all kinds of bodies, having fun. I was introduced to some of them, and they all now knew it was my first time and I was here just to watch. Newcomers had to go through mandatory orientation, which had very strong focus on consent, on self-responsibility, on safety. The truth is those places are much more safer for women than regular sport bar full of drunken guys looking to score. You can walk around naked if that’s your kink, and nobody will touch you without your permission. And if they do, they would get kicked out.
John mentioned earlier that he was supposed to play with one of his long term friends. He introduced me to her, we talked, we joked, chatted with other people. Then she just took off her top and her bra, and stand by St. Andrew’s cross, ready for the flogging. This was such a shocking thing for me, (although I did not show it), how casually she took her clothes off while continuing talk with me, my partner and some other young guy who was completely naked.
I watched my partner use several different floggers on her. Flogging never had any appeal to me, so this was amusing to watch. I also looked around, watching others. My attention focused on the couple next to us, playing on something that looked like excercise maching that was adopted for BDSM play. This young woman was sitting down, her legs spread wide, each tied to the machine. Her arms were spread wide too, and tied. Her partner was hitting her exposed breasts with the flogger.
I could not stop looking at this device. I did not care about flogging part at all. I was attracted and turned on by the idea of being fully restrained like that girl was. She was fully restrained, could not move but felt completely safe and was enjoying herself.
And I kept looking at her and that piece of equipment, and the voice in my head said “you can do it. It doesn’t require anything from you, you will just be sitting there, restrained. The rest is up to John, and not your problem”….
After John was done with with his friend, I pointed to that machine, and said “I want to try it”. At first he thought I want to watch others play on it, but I said “No, I want us to try it”. I have to say he was surprised, because I was so persistent in making sure I wouldn’t have to do anything here. But obliged happily 🙂
I have sat on in, spread my legs and he tied them down. Then he pulled my shirt up, uncovering my braless breasts, and started tying my arms. That part somehow I didn’t think through ….. well… It turned out that I didn’t really care much about it.
This day put my world upside down. I never expected that. I always wanted to see the dungeon, but I was absolutely, 100 % sure that I would never, ever participate in anything in dungeon. Not because that’s too much for me. No, I was sure that I would be too anxious to play in dungeon, to be exposed, to be watched, to do things. To feel things. Nope, that’s not me – I was certain of that.
Oh, how wrong I was…..
Since then I’ve been to several dungeon nights in few places. But this very first play is still my best, and I will one day write separate post on it. It was very sensual and erotic time for me, when everything I knew about myself got challenged.